In a world where we are surrounded by societal norms that often do not serve us, living a compassionate lifestyle can be the space we need to bring more inner balance, peace, and even more joy into our lives. One of the most basic, fundamental elements of living compassionately requires that we act on behalf of ourselves and our own well-being.
Compassionate living isn’t only about sharing kindness—it’s also a powerful resource during life’s most challenging moments. When we choose to meet our hardships with compassion, we open ourselves to new gifts, priorities, and deeper healing. For a thoughtful exploration of how compassion carries us through adversity, I invite you to read my blog, “7 Gifts of Embracing Your Hardships,” where I share personal insights and practical steps for transforming suffering into growth and peace.
While compassion can help carry us through hardship, its quiet strength can also support us in navigating our daily lives with greater ease. So let’s take a look at what it might mean to live a compassionate lifestyle.
What is Compassionate Living?
While being kind to others might come to mind, there’s a much deeper perspective to explore. Living compassionately begins with honoring yourself, offering yourself a deep level of awareness, acknowledgement, and acceptance. And that takes work! You have to be willing to slow down, sit with yourself, your feelings, and emotions, and ponder and reflect on what you desire in life, what you hope to bring to the world, and to others.
Stepping through life without this self-awareness is like traveling to a destination without knowing what that destination is. We can go our whole lives looking for something we cannot define.
This lack of self-awareness might show up as constantly serving others without also taking care of yourself. Or overfocusing on the addictions in life – career or financial goals, status, doom scrolling, busyness – without acknowledging our own needs. Listening to the inner critic in our minds and believing every word at the cost of our self-image. It might even show up as striving for perfection, be it in relationships, hobbies, or even excessive vigilance in living a healthy lifestyle.
“If you are your own harshest critic, this course (CCT) opens your eyes to the enormous power and wisdom that can be found when we turn our compassion inwards.”
— Deborah Bircham, Live Well with Chronic Illness (a CCT participant)
The Choices We Make
When we instead choose to live compassionately, we let go of distraction and denial and choose awareness and self-acceptance. We honor our very own dignity – this sense of “Just like others, I deserve to be happy, to be safe, and to live fully.”
We look deep into our hearts and minds and acknowledge our desires. This empowers us to live more courageously, to set boundaries around our very well-being, so that we are better equipped to contribute positively to our relationships, communities, and careers. So when the time comes, if it is our desire, we are more likely to have the energy and resilience to be a caregiver for a loved one. And so that we can advocate for ourselves, others, or even the causes near and dear to us with less likelihood of overburdening ourselves.
Reflection: When we are not practicing compassionate living towards ourselves, we may overwork, struggle with perfectionism or self-critical thoughts, or fall short on our general self-care. What might compassionate living look like for you this week?
Living Compassionately Honors Your Very Essence
If you’re familiar with my work, you already know that I believe in the strength of living a life aligned with who you are, acknowledging your strengths, weaknesses, and even your limitations. And that only by doing so, by living true to yourself, true to your very core values, can you fully share your impact on your loved ones, community, and outward to the world.
“When we fail to live a life that is filled with self-awareness & self-compassion, we fail to live fully.”
In my song Courage to Be You, cowritten with and performed by Christina Wells of America’s Got Talent, the lyrics share, “You’re going to make an impact, 6 feet or a mile, it doesn’t matter how far…” and “all that matters in the end, is love.” The lyrics also share that we must remove our masks and be who we are. Interestingly, the title of my high school speech so many years prior was “Be Your Own Person.”
As you can guess, I have a deep-held belief that we must first live true to ourselves, regardless of familial, cultural, or societal norms. And that can require a great deal of self-compassion and compassion for others to do this. It’s an ongoing practice, one that calls us to move beyond expectations and respond with authenticity, so that we can not only enjoy greater happiness and peace, but so we can genuinely share from the heart.
Self-Agency and Compassionate Living Over Societal Norms
I’ve always had a deep connection with letting go of norms, developing self-awareness, and being true to our own values. I also believe that each of us benefits when we opt to utilize our gift of agency – the ability to choose to make decisions that support us in living well and in a way that supports our own well-being and that of those around us.
And this is what I love about the Compassion Institute’s stance on the Compassion Cultivation Training (CCT) program. While there may not be an official statement, the ethos of the Compassion Institute is to respect every individual’s agency.
As Certified CCT Teachers, we are encouraged to guide individuals, not to convince, oversell, or promise specific outcomes, but rather to allow space for each person’s readiness to lead their journey. This gift of agency is at the heart of compassionate living.
CCT Alignment with My Beliefs & Coaching Style
This focus on agency might not appear significant, but to me it is a loud and powerful statement! This focus aligns with all my work and how I encourage others to live life.
Consider the statement “when the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” If you’re going to participate in one of my CCT Cohorts, I want you to WANT to be there, ready and open to learning. And the only person who can determine that is you.
These cohorts are very interactive. In addition to in-class exercises, there’s a beautiful mix of arrival practices, pedagogy, evidence-based studies, and even some poetry, music, and videos. We also have deep discussions on how our week went, the insights we gained, and the struggles we experienced. Questions are always welcome.
It’s a space where you have agency to participate fully or, at times, simply follow along. Every week, we focus on skills that you can choose how to bring into your life: as taught, adapted, or not at all.
It’s always about taking care of yourself.
Benefits of Compassionate Living and CCT
While I have extensively talked about the importance of awareness of your own values, needs, and limitations in order to live compassionately, it’s important to note that this is NOT from a selfish perspective. Rather, it’s from the perspective that when we honor ourselves and support our well-being, we can share our best with our loved ones and others in our lives, as well as show up our best for our work, causes, and communities.
Living more compassionately includes being kinder to yourself and others. It relies on acknowledging our suffering and the suffering of others. When we acknowledge this shared sense of suffering, we tend to feel more connected to ourselves and others, and this can bring about a stronger sense of belonging.
This study on The Impact of Compassion Meditation Training on Psychological Variables: a Network Perspective by Pablo Roca, Gustavo Diez, Richard J. McNally, and Carmelo Vazquez, suggests that compassion training (CCT) creates stronger networks of connection to self and others.
There is also much evidence regarding the potential benefits of compassion around both our physical and emotional well-being, as well as our relationship with ourselves and others. Often, the benefits increase a positive attribute while decreasing a negative. For example, increasing our immune response while decreasing our inflammatory markers.
Studies suggest CCT can:
- Increase immune response
- Reduce inflammatory markers
- Fosters more meaningful relationships
- And increase happiness, calmness, and job satisfaction
- while decreasing worry and anxiety, anger, and self-reports of chronic pain levels.
You can learn more about the typical benefits and outcomes of the CCT program here.
Because let’s face it, when you operate from a place of greater peace, alignment, and more joy, others notice. Your growth might even inspire others to also live more compassionately, and that is a beautiful gift to the world!
But compassionate living isn’t a destination—it’s a practice. The CCT program is an opportunity to explore what that means for you, at your own pace. If you’re curious about compassionate living or the CCT program, I encourage you to learn more when you feel ready.
You can learn more, register, or join a waitlist here. If you decide you are genuinely interested and ready, I invite you to explore my next cohort.
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